


I Drove All Night

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-02
Updated: 2003-12-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7638370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dom plans a surprise visit to Billy. Or so he thinks. Poor Dom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Drove All Night

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

  
_I drove all night, to get to you_  
_Was that alright?_  
_\---Celine Dion_

Celine Dion is NOT one of my fave singers, mind, but this song is a bloody bullet with a hook. ‘Sides can’t help but hear it all over the telly with the bloody Chrysler commercials. Now its fucking stuck in my head. Like a loop. Over and over.

_I drove allll niiiiiiggggggghhhhttt…._

Gah. I’m stuck. But it did manage to give me an idea. A brillant idea. My dear mate, he of the most delectable lips, my darlin Billy is far, far from his handsome lover, on a movie set. I miss him I do. Supposed to see him in two weeks. Feh. Two weeks is forever when you are in love and lust. The Wonder Weasel bitterly complains to me hourly.

_I taste your sweet kisses, your arms open wide  
This fever for you was just burrrnnnning me up insidddDDDDeeeeEEE_

Elijah just returned from a visit with Billy. Lucky cunt. Typical Elwood, he brought back Billy’s houseguest key, bugger is always nicking keys but losing his own. I did the smart thing and nicked the key from him. After all, I was planning on visiting Billy. Just not so soon. Heh.

_I drove all niiiiggggggghhht, crept in your room…_

Bloody hell. Now I have that song in my head and that key burning a hole in my jeans. Oh, and a brilliant plan. Just brill. It’s simple….Go get the car and drive.

I just didn’t tell Billy.

**Hours later:**

Note to self: take the Beamer to the mechanic. Fuckin’ air conditioning took a damm strange time to cut out. Note to self: Have words with Sean. Strong Words. Miserable drive. But all’s well since I made it here in one piece, even if I am all sticky sweaty.  
Billy is right in that house before me. It’s still dark and the house appears all nice and quiet. I’m feeling tired from the drive but the Wonder Weasel senses dear Nesseh is near and I feel propelled forward. Hmmm, so maybe I ought not let my cock rule my brain, but this is Billeh I am gonna see, snog, shag! How can I refuse the Weasel and Nesseh their tender reunion?

_I drrrooooooooove all niiigggggghhhtt, crept in your room  
Woke you from your sleeeeep to make love to you_

Fuck….but ahhh…I can see it now. Mmmmm…Billeh.  
Ahh, must get mind back on track…Key into slot…slide slow, quiet as a mouse. Not a sound. Door opens…. I’m in! Good….good, everything is good..  
Forward Monaghan!

_I droooove all niiiiiiiiiiggggg…_

OwwwwwwwwwfuckingdammbloodydammitalllOwOWOwOWWWwFUCK! WhatthefuckwasTHAT? Damm, now I know what a silent scream feels like as it implodes my foot. Who knew Billy kept a chair that doubled as a watchdog? Damm thing bit me.

_I drove all…_

Shut up ya stupid git.

House is still quiet. Obviously my throbbing toes make no sound, despite the fact I hear the blood pounding in my ears. Oi, Billeh, what I do for you. Let’s see, Elijah said that Billy’s room was the third door on the right….

_…Crept in your room  
Woke you from your sleep, to make love to yooou…_

Step careful now…no more surprises to my feet.

_Is that alright?  
I drrovve all niggggggggggghhht…_

Arrrrgh. Bloody song is annoying! Hmmmm….better take off my clothes before I get in bed with my Billeh. Gotta set the Weasel free. All the easier to creep into bed and get all snuggly with Sleeping Beauty Billeh.

_Is that alright?_

Yes, yes, its alright for the hundredth time… Many a time I’ve woke up Billy for a snuggly snog as Weasel and Nesseh got busy…. That’s the plan tonight. Into Billy’s bed and sweetly snog him into consciousness. Brill plan….just brill. Pet the weasel, pet the weasel. Happy weasel. Mmmmmmm  
Ahhh the door is ajar…Careful, careful…A couple of steps more. Lets take a look inside.

Wait.

There’s no Billy!

Bugger. Don’t fuckin tell me that the wanker is…

My world suddenly erupted into a flurry of action. Something hits my midsection and I feel the air just go whoosh out and deflate my lungs. Then I find myself doing a handless cartwheel in space. Its all in slow mo. Until the floor meets me.

I am face down, the floor and my face are one with the universe smushed. Somehow my left leg is in the vicinity of my neck and I could swear I could lick my elbow. If I could move. Which.I.Can.Not.  
Fuck.  
And Weasel shrunk.

“Doncha move ya fookin’ ---DOM! ITS YOU!”

“Halllwwooooopiiiiiii”  
It’s hard to talk when your face is smushed and your lungs are dead.

“’Allo Mer—YOU! What in bloody hell are yeh doin here? Speak up man!”

Kind of Billy to ease up on my battered body. Will try to speak now.

“Hallo Pip …wheeze…Could…you…wheeze…remove your… wheeze…knee from…my wheeze….kidneys?”

“Ya daft git. Ever hear of a phone? Modern device. Ya pick it up and call people….”

As he chatters at me, Billy helps put my body back to its original shape. Life is good. Especially in the face of near death by a wee angry Scotsman who knows too much of the martial arts. So much for all my work on The Purifiers. Fuck.

“…But noooooooo, you don’t call ya grrreat fookin’ wanker, you just wanderrr ..Wait. How did you get in?”

“Doodle had a key.”

“Ach. Figures he would…. You just wanderrr in and clomp about with yer fookin’ feet…Dom, where are yer clothes?”

I’m on my back now on the unyielding floor. Billy has his hand firmly planted on my chest. I think Weasel is too scared to move.

“Ermmm…on the floor…in the hall…”

“Uh huh… Right…. Sooo, let meh understand this…Ya brrreak into ma house. Crrrash about in ma frrront rooom…”

“Billy, I was being very quiet. Truly!”

“Right. Quiet. Great bloody honkin hippos in heat make less noise…”

I’m wounded. Truly I am. I was so quiet. I drove all night…damm. It’s NOT alright Celine.

“Bills, aren’t you glad to…”

“…yeh crrrash about then go full monty into a sleeping person’s room…”

“Not just anyone’s room…Your room.” I hear my voice get all small “ I wanted to see you Billeh…I drove all night”

If I could call up a tear and look more pitiful than I am sure I already do, I would.

“Yes…Right…Ermmm….”  
Billy leans into my face until my world is filled with the vision of his lovely green eyes.

“Dom, dinna think ye might have given meh a fright?”

“Well, considering how you greeted me…”

Suddenly his lips are warm and soft against mine. Oh these are sweet kisses that my Billeh gives me. Don’t know how he does it but I melt inside when he kisses me like this. He presses his body against mine as he deepens his kisses. Slides his knee between my legs and presses…mmmmm….ohhh Nesseh is awake! Hallo Nesseh!

“Dom ya grrreat daft fookin’ bloody bastard…Lets get off this floor and go ta bed.”

‘Love when you talk all romantic to me Billy.”

We slide under the cool sheets and he takes me into his arms. Life is Good, verrrra good.. Weasel is a happy bugger as he snogs the equally happy Nesseh. He is even happier when Billy takes him in hand and strokes him. Pet the weasel, pet the weasel…. Nesseh twitches and pulsates in my hot hand. Mmmmm….yesssssssssssssss…

**BUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ**

“Ahhhh shite.”

“Early call?”

“Right. “

“We still have more time…don’t we?”

“Ahhh shite, shite, shite. Ah set my alarm for the last possible moment…ya know how Ah hate early calls.”

“Oh Billy…nooooooo.”

Billy gives me a Look. No arguments from him on this. It was this way on Rings.

“Ah'll call you from the set. We’ll have lunch…in meh trailer. You, meh…Weasel and Nesseh…”

I watch him hurry about as he dresses quickly. He flips on the radio as he does a hasty shave. I reckon I can get a bit more sleep…

 _I drove all niiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhttttt_  
Is that alright?

‘Hey Dom, ya heard this song yet? Kinda catchy for all it’s a Celine ….Dom…Dom, why are yeh eatin that pillow…?

Arrrrrrrrrghhh…I drove all night Arrrrrrrrrrghhhh….


End file.
